i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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