i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
