Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
