one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
