i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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