I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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