They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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