So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize