you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
