Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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