You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
