Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
