Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
