I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
