Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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