I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
