Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
