if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
