Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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