Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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