THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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