please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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