i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone came in the potted fern
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
