I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize