Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
