i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
