She said her name was "party"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
