my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
