...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
