I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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