Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
