Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
