i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
