Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
