sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this boner is exhausting
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
