shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need to sanitize my soul.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
