ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
