Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
