I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
