why didn't you poke me back
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
