ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
