areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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