I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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