The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
