i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.