i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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