My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens