I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
