So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i've created a new STD.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
