There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
