May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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