Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
