Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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