the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
