my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
