Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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