Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
