I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
