I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
