I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
