They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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