Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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