There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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