his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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