remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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