The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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