It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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