return my video game
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
