Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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