If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
