wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize