Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
