how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize