Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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