I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
