He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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