I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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