Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
