Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
