I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
