Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
