I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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