You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Even my vagina gasped.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
