i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
