it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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