Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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