remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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