we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
